Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
