My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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