so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
