I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Alive.
So much puke
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
