hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
