Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
