he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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