I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
