i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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