I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
