I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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