You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize