Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize