ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
