Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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