It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
