Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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