There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize