im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
