I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
handjob tips. give me some.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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