I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
