Betty ford says i'm here all night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do herpes really smell.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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