Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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