Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am available for nakedness
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
