well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
