found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
