If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
