I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize