Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just pee around me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
