Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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