You can't motorboat a personality
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
