I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
