We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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