i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
