If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
