I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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