is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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