Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
