I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
