I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
