It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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