I just cut my nipple shaving
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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