Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
