I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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