Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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