Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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