It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
