she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
