Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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