well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
