It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
