A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's even glitter on my cock...
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