i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
