3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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