Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
