You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize