I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
