And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
