week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
