cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
