Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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