the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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