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No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
