So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
