Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
