Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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