I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
