I think I died a long time ago.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
